Lick Be a Lady Tonight
I just realized I've never told you all my favorite "Kids do the darndest things and sometimes don't die" story. Here goes;
A friend of Daughter's was born in Manhattan and lived there for the first few years of her life. One day, when she was not quite a year old, her father took her on the subway. For reasons I'm sure he kicked himself over ever after, he put her down on the floor for a second.
Just a second.
Nothing more than that.
In that second, the baby leaned over and licked the subway floor.
She developed an infection in her neck that it took a years' worth of antibiotics to knock out.
So I think we all have a new standard. Whether you just caught your child chewing gum they found under the restaurant table or you're the kind of person who sometimes wakes up next to someone whose name escapes you, I now give you permission to soothe yourself by saying could be worse, could have licked a subway floor.
A friend of Daughter's was born in Manhattan and lived there for the first few years of her life. One day, when she was not quite a year old, her father took her on the subway. For reasons I'm sure he kicked himself over ever after, he put her down on the floor for a second.
Just a second.
Nothing more than that.
In that second, the baby leaned over and licked the subway floor.
She developed an infection in her neck that it took a years' worth of antibiotics to knock out.
So I think we all have a new standard. Whether you just caught your child chewing gum they found under the restaurant table or you're the kind of person who sometimes wakes up next to someone whose name escapes you, I now give you permission to soothe yourself by saying could be worse, could have licked a subway floor.
posted by Unknown at 3:59 PM
10 Comments:
uh...thank you? *shudders*
I joked that my son was building his immune system the time he chewed gum from under the restaurant table. I guess I was lucky.
Le Colonial, Chicago: I was enjoying a sofa in a dark corner of the bar all by myself. Ordered a martini and an extravagant $18 appetizer. With my first grab at the appetizer, sitting on a low cocktail table, I dumped the entire plate onto the, uh, now black, once patterned Persian carpet. I scooped the entire mess back onto the plate and somewhat nervously enjoyed it while "killing the germs" with the alcohol.
The subway liker was an infant. I was in my 50's. Some of us don't seem to develop much past the oral stage.
I now know that whatever my health and well-being's worth, it's somewhat less than $18.
PS-- I understand the 10 second rule's an urban myth. *sigh*
Mama puts hand to mouth of crawling baby..."What do you have in your mouth, Sweetpea?...Spit it out." Into her hand plops a small, perfectly round, cat poo. Somehow, that wasn't as bad as the time a friend's child, who was eye level with the cage cargo bottom was popping bunny poops into her mouth while we were admiring the new bunnies in the living area part, above. But then, strange as it may seem, that wasn't as horrible as watching a young relative give her mother and I the evil eye, while she proceeded to lick the mall garbage can. No infection from any of these, though. You have, indeed, provided a new standard. That poor father had to cope with the consequences we all fear but are thankfully, so many times, miraculously, spared.
YAKKKK!!! yes, things could be a lot worse.
That *is* worse than the time my then 4 year old licked the pole on the monorail to the Magic Kingdom at Disney World. I stopped her the second I saw her tongue make contact, even, so it wasn't a full liiiiiick.
At the time, my best friend made me feel better about it by relating to me the time that she had taken her German Shepherd to the vet with her younger child securely strapped into his stroller (he was around 2 at the time). The vet was doing some sort of exam on/in the dog's nether regions and had one of those plastic sleeves that go over things that go into nether regions like thermometers, and then at the conclusion of the exam, couldn't find the used, plastic cover thing.
Yep, you guessed it. In the 2 year old's mouth. To this day, my friend swears she doesn't know how he got hold of it, as he remained securely strapped in to his stroller and well away from the action the entire time.
I'm off to gargle with some Listerine now. Just because.
My nephews are now 7 and 5 years old. This story makes me grateful that they survived their early years of sucking on grocery store cart handles while riding in the baby seats. I can't decide whether kids are resilient or just lucky - maybe both!
This subway story (and many the ensuing stories) does set the bar comfortably low. Thank goodness. I hate feeling like a crap parent. And it's so hard not to.
A friend and I went out to eat in Austin. Her toddler kept tossing her pacifier to the floor and my friend kept picking it up and giving it back to her. "Aren't you worried about germs?" I asked.
"Have to build her immune system somehow," my friend shrugged.
Her daughter is now a lovely, healthy college sophomore. Maybe the floors of Austin restaurants are not as filthy as the floors of New York subways?
Oh yeah, been there! After a family trip to the nearest Super Walmart, my toddlerish daughter - for reasons we never discovered - suddenly decided to take off her shoe and lick the bottom of it. My husband screamed, ripped the shoe out of her hand and threw it like it was a hand grenade, we were so horrified.
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