Many Years From Now
This week, I said something to Consort.
I know, I say lots of things to Consort but most are things I've already said and usually revolve around whether he's done with that New Yorker so I can get rid of it.
(He's not.)
But this week I said something to Consort which, upon hearing myself say it, led me to understand that I am never going to be young again. Never again will there be gaiety or spontaneity or frivolity in my life. There might be happiness but it will be the happiness of knowing I've gotten enough fiber, the quiet contentment of finally making the microwave stop blinking 12, the momentary glow when I remember my PIN. Yep, I'm high-middle-aged. I'll tell you what I said in a second, but I've decided to start a contest -- what's the most adult thing you've ever said?
Here's mine:
"Honey, what did your mother's wound-care specialist have to say about her foot?"
Your turn.
I know, I say lots of things to Consort but most are things I've already said and usually revolve around whether he's done with that New Yorker so I can get rid of it.
(He's not.)
But this week I said something to Consort which, upon hearing myself say it, led me to understand that I am never going to be young again. Never again will there be gaiety or spontaneity or frivolity in my life. There might be happiness but it will be the happiness of knowing I've gotten enough fiber, the quiet contentment of finally making the microwave stop blinking 12, the momentary glow when I remember my PIN. Yep, I'm high-middle-aged. I'll tell you what I said in a second, but I've decided to start a contest -- what's the most adult thing you've ever said?
Here's mine:
"Honey, what did your mother's wound-care specialist have to say about her foot?"
Your turn.
posted by Unknown at 9:13 AM
39 Comments:
I'm thinking it's "I planned the menus for the rest of the week around the 3 pounds of extra-lean ground beef I got on sale and cooked ahead."
To my son: "What is Jackass 3D? Is it funny?"
I just asked my son, "Who is Dr Dre again?
To my husband: "Maybe I should consider bifocals."
Honey, the Bishop said to tell you hello.
To hubby: "Did you send the check to our accountant so that he can put it in the Roth IRA before the end of the year?"
(And then I patted myself on the back and felt very adult...right up until I decided to celebrate my maturity by eating Halloween candy in bed).
"Ok, I guess I really just can't eat sugar anymore."
Son, are you sure you have the marriage license to give the judge so it can be signed? *sigh* my 'baby' will be 33 in two weeks...how the heck did that happen?
Bran (check)almonds (check)green tea (check)put it all together, and it looks like something you call a pediatrician for when it appears in a baby's diaper. My "baby" is 20- God help me.
To my 12 year old son: "After I clean up the cat vomit and fold the socks can you show me how to DVR that show again?"
"Sure, we can get the cereal. It's on sale and I have a coupon!"
And then I realized, my mom and I really are the same person. =)
I have to go home and take my pill.
"Why are they playing the music so loudly?"
LOL! So funny.
Almost everything I considered was embarrassingly child-like for one who is 31, in retrospect.
I clipped my first coupon this past week in an attempt to be more frugal. That's sort of adult. Except it expired before I used it.
Hmmm. Um. Hmmm. I think it is worse to be an adult and not speak like one. ;-)
BTW, Happy Halloween!
"The president is younger than we are."
sigh...
To my 13-year-old daughter: "Everything old becomes new again. That's not retro, that's vintage. I wore it when I was eight years old!"
"What do the grandchildren eat?"
"I can't hear that. Why do they make it so low?"
While looking at our new house designs, my husband was questioning the purpose of a 2 story vestibule:
"Is this where we put the secret pole to the bat cave?"
"No. Ulitmately, it will house the elevator once we can no longer climb stairs. Until then, it will be the private area for the cat litter. I had it vented. I think it's the best part of the house."
"Our lives are beginning to revolve around our doctor and dentist appointments." Needless to say, these aren't annual or bi-annual exams. 0_0
To youngest: You're not wearing that out in public with me.
"So what do we do if your older brother* is still living with us and my mom has to move in because of health issues? We only have the one guest room."
*69 years old.
"you can eat that third brownie if you want to, but I'll miss you when you're gone."
Salsa gives me heartburn.
My Mom: "What do you want for Christmas this year?"
Me: "OOOOOOO!!! An upright freezer to store all the meat I get on sale at the grocery store!! I've wanted one of those for SO long!!!"
*sigh*
To the husband: "You bought me the 3 gal. jug of Simple Green from Costco? I knew you loved me!"
I then proceeded to call my best friend and we spent half an hour gushing about how amazing my husband is because he remembered that Simple Green is my favorite cleaning product. Crap, now I have to change my answer. The most adult thing I've ever said now is "Simple Green is my favorite cleaning product." Seriously? Who has a favorite cleaning product?
I am not paying a caterer good money so I can do the work for them.
I believe that would be when someone told me, at my daughter's pre-school picnic (she was 4), that my grand daughter was absolutely darling.
You don't bounce back from that one. (And seriously? I DON'T look old for my age... but once you consider botox you're never really young again.)
This one is my spouse's. At a meeting several years ago when the new company car program was being introduced, my Better Half raised his hand and asked, "Is there a mini van option?"
Two weeks ago, to husband: " I scheduled my Nuclear Myocardial Perfusion Stress Test and the consultation appointment for my hysterectomy."
"That's too loud."
Yesterday, while substitute teaching: "Can someone show me the magic button for the Powerpoint?" A fourteen year old did.
But it'll get worse. I overheard my dad and my aunt comparing tremors. Oy.
I spoke too soon. I experienced one this week. After telling me about exciting weekend plans, my friend asked me what I had planned for the weekend.
My instantaneous response:
"There's a documentary I'm really excited about watching on PBS and going to the library to research an article for the USA Today site."
I know how to have fun.
I can't BELIEVE the music teenagers listen to nowadays! they call that music???
Trifecta score: complained (Note: not just talked about) my heel spur, bunion and my inability to tolerate a medium spiced taco. Go me.
Our normal breakfast consists of sylium husks, prunes, dried apricots and bananas. That part can't change or I would know about it for days - the only variable is the porridge or muesli it goes on.
My "adult phrase" is actually "the look" that my my three teenagers know means "the music is too loud in this store/turn the channel, mom hates Spongebob/who could you possibly be texting at this hour" and their all-time favorite look from me that means "I don't care what you do, I'm going to bed."
"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."
- George Burns
"Do I have to wait until midnight to call the cops on the neighbor's party, or is it late enough now?"
To my daughter, day b4 her birthday (Oct. 31st): It's okay if you go with your friends for your birthday, there will always be another birthday we can celebrate together...like a family.
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