Rich Gentlemen Have It, Boys

Could someone please alert Santa that I could really use several salads under the tree this year? I've already settled into the aggressive stupor of the holidays where pumpkin bread is a fruit or maybe a vegetable and counts as a healthy breakfast and who ate my caramels?

Now if you'll excuse me, this coconut milk-eggnog isn't going to drink itself and I do need to keep my fingers free so I go online and buy some drawstring pants.