Sunday, December 16, 2012

If He Hears, He'll Knock All Day

In the event I am ever unable to find my cats -- even after shaking the dry food and even after opening a can of tuna -- I will not worry, because I will have one final failsafe method to find them.

I will go into my bathroom, I will shut the door and I will remove some vital elements of my clothing. Within ninety seconds, there will be twenty pounds of two cats slamming (SLAM) themselves (SLAM) against (SLAM) the (SLAM) door (SLAMSLAMSLAMSLAM). This will also involve crying; not all of it will be from me. Within seconds, the door will slam open and the missing felines will barrel in, looking at me reproachfully for having entered the Sanctum without their approval. If history is any indication, they will then look at my undressed parts in a vaguely nauseated way and start speed-punching the toilet paper.

If I go to the bathroom and am left alone, I will be able to safely declare them dead.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

With ours it's always 'LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN' closely followed by 'LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT'



7:26 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

WHY do cats do this? If I have the audacity to close a door in between the two of us she wales so loud and piteously that it sounds like she is being abused. Either my neighbors are deaf or they don't know how to call Animal Services because sometimes I just need to potty without her sitting ON MY LAP, you know?

11:57 AM  
Blogger Tesse said...

I have tears of laughter pouring down my face... This is so true. Both my husband and the cat think I've gone off my rocker. Thank you for giving me a much needed laugh tonight.

8:44 PM  
Blogger Debbie said...

Ah yes I remember this phenomenon well. In one of our houses, years ago, the cat leaned to open the bedroom doors himself as they all had a "spanish" style handle that you pulled down on to open. Many was the time that I would hear the dreaded...

Clicka, clicka, clicka...squeeeeeeek as the cat worked to open the door.

5:09 AM  
Blogger Judy said...

May I offer you a trade? For your two door slamming cats I will give you a Lhasa Apso who will poop on your living room floor EVERY TIME you take a shower with the door shut.

7:48 PM  

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