Book Blog Tour: Not the Rockefellers, redux

Not the Rockefellers asks:

I love how you write about your home and furnishings as if they are living characters...the womb like house, the giant gay amoeba couch, the bench of many objects.What would the Quinn Cummings IKEA collection look like?

Oh, the opportunities. My first instinct is that the fabric will be a dark color and hide stains. Unless, of course, you have a light-colored pet, in which case you can get the light fabric which hides stains. I'm toying with just having some pet hair woven in from the factory, to keep anyone from getting too emotional when the pets sneak up there after you go to work. I'm not putting on the unknown stains for you, though; you've got to participate at least a little.