Saturday, October 08, 2011

I Know What I Know, If You Know What I Mean

I'm guessing that in your life, there's a person you call if you want a recommendation for the most romantic restaurant in your nearest city.

Perhaps there's another person you call if you need to find a kidney doctor for your aunt.

Possibly, if you have a wide-enough range of friends, you have someone you can call to make that certain troublesome person in your life disappear, if you know what I'm saying.

I think you know what I'm saying.

Today, I clarified who I am. My friend Lynn called this morning. She needed me to walk her through how to bathe a cat.

This isn't completely dispiriting. She was very grateful to have someone in her life who knew this. Also, if you did have someone troublesome in your life, I could make the disappear by having you say to them, "Hey, I need you to come over and help me bathe my cat."

They'd be gone forever and it wouldn't require a shovel and a bag of quicklime.

You're welcome.


Blogger Donna said...

Bathing a cat instructions? I had no idea how varied your life skills were. ha :)
Hey, I just finished reading your book and loved it...especially that last part about you dying at the hands of your pimp. And, the lengths you'll go to find a heart.

7:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

QC, sorry to be so tardy in catching up reading your blogs...some of my most entertaining moments!

Just a Ozarkian perspective on "How to Bathe a Cat"

1. Slip into elbow-length leather work gloves.
2. Approach the cat friendly-like with a small amount of canned tuna
3. Lift the cat in the middle accompanying the lift with soothing words, "Nice Pussycat, etc."
4. Walk slowly to the nearest toilet and raise the lid.
5. Quickly deposit the cat in the toilet bowl and slam the lid shut
6. Sit on the closed toilet seat
7. Ignore the howls
8. Flush the toilet a few times until the cat is likely to be reasonably clean
9. Place towels on the floor
10. Raise the lid, slam the door as you exit and wait several hours before re-entering the room.

Glad to be of help, anytime!
Big Dog in KC

7:28 PM  

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