Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Does she walk? Does she talk? Does she come complete?

I was trimming back an especially obstreperous plant this afternoon when a neighbor beckoned to me, holding something behind his back.

"Is the kid outside?" he asked.

"No," I said, with no small amount of joy. "She's off with a friend."

"Oh, good," he said. "I can show you this."

He flourished the latest issue of Playboy. This was somewhat unexpected, what with us being nice suburban types standing on a sidewalk in the light of day and him being a homosexual and all. He pointed to something on the cover.

"I knew you'd want to see it."

Oh, right. I'd heard about this. This month's naked lady was in 3-D.

He smiled gleefully and added, "There are glasses."

It seems that when he went to get the issue at a stand in Hollywood, it was abundantly and copiously staged for easy purchasing. My neighbor noted this to the vendor who snorted "Are you kidding? Every gay man in a ten-mile radius is getting one."

"Why?" I wondered out loud. "Why the gays for the 3-D naked lady? Can't be the glasses, they're cardboard and unflattering."

My neighbor pointed out that it's pop-culture and it's also zeitgeisty. There was no way gay men weren't going to participate. I then told him about the only unhip gay man I ever knew. He was a lovely sweet man and he was also a podiatrist. Turns out, if you're really concerned about corns, it's going to scrub the hipness right out of you.

I put on the glasses. I looked at the woman, who loomed out at me. "Technology can only be expected to do so much." I finally said. "They're 3-D all right, but they're still not credible."

8 Comments:

Anonymous Robin Raven said...

haha I heard about that. Nothing to add, really, except my laugh track. :-) Great entry. It's always great to read your blog.

10:55 PM  
Anonymous eggman said...

methinks all of this is just a tempest in a D cup.

5:34 AM  
Blogger kate said...

I guess that I don't quite understand the appeal...if I wanted to look at a set of boobs in 3-D, I'll just look down at my own. Dumb boys.

6:51 AM  
Blogger Char said...

LOL 38-D in 3-D

sounds like a walk on the strip. that is if i had ever walked the strip.

7:57 AM  
Blogger Sara J. Henry said...

Damn, you're funny. You should write a book. Wait, you did. You should write another one! With accompanying CD of video clips.

1:35 PM  
Blogger Lene Andersen said...

I snorted tea all over my keyboard. Thanks for that.

(and damn, now I want to see her "looming" out at me)

4:39 PM  
Blogger Kathryn said...

This has nothing and everything in a Proust sort of way to do with your post. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I have used those maddening initials and cute syllable things instead of name.

Back history: Christmas 2008, Auntie DD2 gave The Grandgirlie named Jane a drum set - real and sized for her and lessons. Auntie DD2 gave The Grandgirlie named Jan an electric guitar and amp - real and sized for her and lessons. The girls were NOT supposed to tell Aunt DD2 they wanted them, because their parents are wise, but they "forgot" about that.

They have been diligent with lessons and practice a lot. Way too much if you listen to their parents.

Anyway, this morning at breakfast, they announced that for the talent show next year, they were going to do a White Stripes' song.

The Father of the Grandgirlies: Oh, really? Which one?

Jane First Grade: I don't think it is appropriate for school because I am the monitor in my class this week, and it is "Jack the Ripper".

Jan Third Grade: Oh, the principal won't mind after we rock his face off.

The long-suffering mother of Jane and Jan, and my DIL: Oh, Jesus.

Jane (looking around): Where?

10:27 PM  
Anonymous Nancy Owens said...

I am new to your blog, and it's witty, spot-on entries like this that make me excited to read your book! It is definitely next-up on my reading list.

9:53 AM  

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