Does she walk? Does she talk? Does she come complete?

I was trimming back an especially obstreperous plant this afternoon when a neighbor beckoned to me, holding something behind his back.

"Is the kid outside?" he asked.

"No," I said, with no small amount of joy. "She's off with a friend."

"Oh, good," he said. "I can show you this."

He flourished the latest issue of Playboy. This was somewhat unexpected, what with us being nice suburban types standing on a sidewalk in the light of day and him being a homosexual and all. He pointed to something on the cover.

"I knew you'd want to see it."

Oh, right. I'd heard about this. This month's naked lady was in 3-D.

He smiled gleefully and added, "There are glasses."

It seems that when he went to get the issue at a stand in Hollywood, it was abundantly and copiously staged for easy purchasing. My neighbor noted this to the vendor who snorted "Are you kidding? Every gay man in a ten-mile radius is getting one."

"Why?" I wondered out loud. "Why the gays for the 3-D naked lady? Can't be the glasses, they're cardboard and unflattering."

My neighbor pointed out that it's pop-culture and it's also zeitgeisty. There was no way gay men weren't going to participate. I then told him about the only unhip gay man I ever knew. He was a lovely sweet man and he was also a podiatrist. Turns out, if you're really concerned about corns, it's going to scrub the hipness right out of you.

I put on the glasses. I looked at the woman, who loomed out at me. "Technology can only be expected to do so much." I finally said. "They're 3-D all right, but they're still not credible."