Sunday, June 18, 2006

Big Daddy.

(This is a re-run, but it ran in the first six months of my doing the blog, so not everyone has gotten a chance to see it. And I really want you to meet my father.)

In keeping with today's holiday, I want to introduce you to my father. His name was Sumner, which I include not because I called him by his first name -- I called him Papa -- but because I think it’s a cool name: unusual without being precious or bizarre. If any of you are pregnant and thinking about giving the world yet another Jack or Ethan, I humbly suggest another option.

The house in which I grew up was perched on a narrow winding road in the Hollywood Hills. It had a porch which ran the length of the three bedrooms on the top floor which, because of the nature of hillside architecture, was four stories above the street below. On airless summer nights, I would sleep out there on the chaise enjoying the random cool breeze that meandered up from the ocean a dozen miles to the west.One morning, just as the sky was pinking up, I awoke to the sound of a voice. It was Papa’s voice. He was in the middle bedroom, which my parents used as an office, and he was making a business call to somewhere in Europe. I lay perfectly still, watching him through the French doors, and I remember feeling completely secure.

The city below spread out huge and daunting in every direction, the world beyond it was even more immeasurable to a girl my age, but when I woke up that morning, I could see my Papa, so everything was as it should be. The world was perfect and I was safe in it.

I doubt anyone else would have looked at him and thought “This man can protect me”. He was short (sadly, I didn’t get any of my mother’s Northern European height genes) and slight. He had suffered through an adult case of a typically childhood illness, which triggered a life-threatening fever, which somehow caused most of his hair to fall out, of which very little came back. This wasn’t a dad you would see modeling a kayak in the L.L. Bean catalogue.But short men can do heroic things, and members of the Cummings family can do heroic things in offbeat ways.

Papa graduated from Cornell with a double major of Classics and Astronomy -- apparently, during the late 1930’s, there was a thriving job market for people who could point out Polaris while reciting The Iliad.

When Pearl Harbor happened, the flying inventory of the United States Air Force was almost entirely comprised of aircraft left over from World War I. These were little more than winged, canvas-covered crates and lacked even the most rudimentary navigational technology of the day. The war effort began frantically manufacturing modern planes but that didn’t help the fearless airmen who, in those dreadful early days of the war, took to the skies over a smoldering Europe or the vast and hostile Pacific. What did help these heroic men was a small book an Air Force Lieutenant quickly wrote about how to navigate by the stars.That Lieutenant was my Papa.And he helped bring many of these men home.

________

He was terrifically funny, but in a weird, quiet way, which happens to be my favorite kind of funny. One night, as my mother was making dinner, the phone rang and Papa got it. I will give you both sides of the phone call, as Papa explained it to my mother that evening, who recounted it to me many years later.

“Hello?”

“Yes, may I speak to Mrs.…Cumming please?”

(From the slightly askew pronunciation of his name, my father figures this is a telephone solicitation of some kind. He had a few minutes to kill while the chili cooked, so…)

“I’m so sorry. We lost her last week”

The telephone solicitor now has something much more interesting to do than call the next mark. Besides, Papa sounds unnervingly cheerful to be delivering this kind of news.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Uh, was it sudden?”

“Very”

“If you don’t mind my asking, what happened?”

“We went to a Dodger game. She went to the bathroom and never came back.”

“You mean… you lost her as in you can’t find her?”

“That’s right. No idea whatsoever. I looked around for a while at the park, but it was getting late, so I decided to go home”

“You didn’t think to wait for her?”

“No. She knows where we live.”

That was my Papa.
________
Papa was already in his forties when I was born -- a far less common age for paternity than it is now. He had two sons from his first marriage who were twenty and twenty-two years older than I am. I can only imagine how he could not have forseen having another child at this stage of his life. But he fell for and married a woman who wanted a child, and here I am.

I’ve been told he had some ambivalence about starting a new family before I was born. I can see him being the kind of father who only gets interested when the kid starts talking in full sentences. [You’ll be shocked to know I started talking very early and very emphatically.] But by the time I remember him, I never doubted for a second that I was thoroughly adored right down to my toes.

In certain emotionally lean times of my life, I have drawn from that deep well of unconditional paternal love. I’m sure he would have been amused by all the nonsense surrounding “The Goodbye Girl”, but he couldn’t have loved me one iota more than when I was simply running around the house, making noise, chasing the dogs and generally being his nutty little kid.

My mother and I were in Manhattan for the final three weeks of shooting “The Goodbye Girl”. Papa, of course, had stayed home in L.A. to work. He had experienced something odd on the tennis court a few weeks earlier and worried it might have been a heart attack, but a quick trip to the ER had determined it wasn’t a heart attack. I was outraged when told about this at the time. “Do they think he made it up?” I groused. “Papa doesn’t lie!”

On the eve of the last day of shooting, Papa had a massive heart attack and died at the hospital. They reached my mother early the next morning and told her what had happened. Somehow, she held it together for the entire day so I could finish my last day of work in ignorance. She told me that night back at the hotel.

He was 57. He was in good health. He ate decently and exercised regularly. There was no history of heart trouble in the family. What he did do was worry. He had been promoted to President of a large manufacturing company the previous year and I still sometimes imagine him walking around with the entire factory and all its employees sitting on his shoulders. The man I saw from the sleeping porch making an overseas call at dawn was probably making a call to Japan late the night before. For years before he had the title of President, he had done the work and carried the stress of the job. A man probably best suited for the inner life of a scholar and writer had worried himself to death.

The board of directors of the company – a company for which he literally worked his heart out -- sent a sympathy note and hired a new president within two weeks. They had to. I understand. He was replaceable to them.

He was irreplaceable to me.

12 Comments:

Blogger houseband00 said...

Hi Quinn,

I am very sad for your loss. I've always believed that the essence of lost loved ones live on in the lives of those who love them and to those that they had loved.

Thanks for (re)sharing your post.

3:55 PM  
Blogger Judy said...

Beautiful.

Thank you.

I needed the reminder to be especially grateful that my father is 80 and is still here.

6:48 PM  
Anonymous Carol said...

Dear Quinn,

I am a long time fan of yours, and have only recently stumbled onto your blog (a pleasant surprise). I certainly remember the young talented girl, and a role that helped make her famous, but.....I won't go there with you. I once injured my neck, and against my will, wore a neck brace for several weeks. Working in a very public job, I was asked about it adnauseam, and therefore have an appreciation for what this feels like.

Please let thank you for what you do today. I am truly enjoying the interesting and entertaining stories about "daughter," (plus others), and wonder what you'll think of next! I appreciate the humor, and plan on trying the berry pie for breakfast some time! Hope you will continue to write.

Lastly, thank you for the special tribute to your father, Sumner. I know he is very proud of you!

Carol

9:53 PM  
Blogger torontopearl said...

Quinn

Truly a beautiful tribute to your dad.

I had read quite some time ago that he'd passed away when you were young and when he was young.
I'm sure the loss was strongly felt in your household throughout your lifetime, but the love for him is strongly evident, too.

Your success as a child, your success as an adult, and your brilliant and witty mind reflect you and no doubt reflect your late father's legacy as well.

Fathers/daughters...a rather special bond.

7:21 AM  
Blogger Storm said...

What an amazing story...and what an amazing man. You painted such a lovely picture with your words.

~Cara

6:15 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

What a terrible loss.

I lost my dad when he was only 47, so I can imagine your pain.

3:00 PM  
Blogger rabbi neil fleischmann said...

Thank you for writing this. It's beautiful. Brought to mind Roseanne Cash's album about her recent losses and moreso about how those people live on.

3:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A beautiful tribute to your Dad. He gave you a strong foundation of unconditional love that continues to nurture you. Once when I was going through significant difficulty, I was told that I must have been loved a lot as a child to have the strength and confidence to forge ahead, no matter what. I am sure that your faher's love has given you an inner strength. What a wonderful gift.

7:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beautifully written - I enjoyed reading it so much. By the way, I'm one of those who gave the world another Ethan! I've loved the name since I was a teen and chose it not because it is in vogue but because it makes me think of happy times when I dreamed of the baby I would someday have.

7:11 AM  
Blogger Quinn Cummings said...

The nicest boy in Daughter's last class was an Ethan. It's aces with me.
I just wanted to make sure every expectant mother knew all of her options.

7:43 AM  
Blogger Deeann said...

Wow,

I think I know what you mean when you felt safe with your father just being there, and being aware of his presence. That is how I felt as a child. My fondest memories of my childhood were going to sleep knowing that my Mom and Dad were near and that I was safe and loved.

I also wanted to comment on what a wonderful writer you are. I just came across your blog and have been mezmerized for the past hour.

p.s.--The Goodbye Girl is one of my all time favorites. I loved how you came across as such an old soul!!

What a lovely memory of your Papa.
Thanks for sharing.

Deeann

8:27 PM  
Blogger Piglet said...

your post moved me, i lost my dad 2.1.06 and it was difficult. and i suppose it always will be to some extent.

this is a poem i wrote for him about 7 days before he passed: in case you didn't know

7:51 PM  

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